hmm... why is life so brittle? and so pitiful... it makes us often condemn ourselves thinking about wad we could haf done in the past, that we didnt do... when we had the chance to... only to regret when things eventually become unfavourable... today i heard 3 bad news... all hospital related.. firstly, a casual lunch chat wif zilin, misty and xinhui over at fc6 during lunch break.. heard from them that evan's elder brother is admitted to hospital coz of brain tumour.. and he's only 19 years old.. why?... do god, haf to make fun of people like this... but once again, its fate, its karma, all up to u to say... i juz hope that the tumour is benign and the removal operation will be successful, hopefully no complications arise... and may everything go well for him... yup.. back to second news.. zilin's mother was also admitted to hospital... coz of blood clot in the lung, after the operation, her mummy returned home to recuperate, but had difficulties breathing.. another doctor's diagonosis was that complications arose and left a tumour/blood clot in the rib cage.... muz be the doctor who operated on her mummy, overlooked this.. thats why.. she's still in hospital nevertheless, prays hard for her recovery.. hope zilin dun be so sad too... evan also... both pls take care of urselves... now to the 3rd bad news... it suddenly struck to me... i recieved my mother's sms at around 6pm, telling me that my great-grandmother (yes 3 generations up), she's currently 96 years old.. suddenly had stroke the night before last night... and was admitted to 'A n E' 20mins after discovering... juz now immediately after my job training, i went over to take a look at her... she looked so weak and pale... not like how she was... i really... i regret.. for once i say this, i regret... when things came my way, i didnt cherish.. now i'm losing it i'm regretting... i often tell people, "life's simple, make choices and don't look back", this sentence is grabbed from a movie but nevertheless very true... but i simply can't overcome my own barrier... that is, i didnt go for her 96 years old birthday celebration... and i missed out so many chances i could haf to accompany her, sit by her side, listen to her talk and even hug her... she's paralyzed fully on the left hand side of her body, right from the cheek bone downwards... how do u expect a 96 year old lady to endure and suffer from this torment?... i stood by her bedside, listened to her call out to my name, her first instinct when i arrived was to grab my hands and talk to me.. i cant figure wad she was talking... i juz stood there and listen to her.. wanting to make her feel comfortable... looking at her in this state is really heartbreaking... i keep telling myself i wana make her feel better, but i just dunoe how... den suddenly i remember many times, i wanted to look for her when i was free, i told myself i'll be over to visit her at her place.. but never once i went... i didn't keep any of my promises to her... and for that reason i can't forgive myself.. i simple took things for granted.. all the way till i haf this very strong feeling i'm going to lose her... i really don't want to... sudden reminiscence of the past.. i remember i stayed wif her before at her house... for some days... i juz can't forget those moments now... it all floats in front of me... i juz cant... control myself... i'm a man, but i telling you now, i'm crying... i saw her at the hospital lying down, and showed so many signs of suffering and pain... i wana alleviate her pain.. but i simple dunoe how, and there's no way i can make her feel better other than juz standing by her and accompanying her... i juz hope she can pull thru this predicament and eventually get out safely... i promise i'll visit her at least once per week once she's safely out... i promise... i really do... she looked so weak when i saw her.... i'm scared of losing her... i cant help it but even on my mind now, i'm thinking of her... i totally miss... her.... i juz hope she'll recover from the stroke soon... seeing her suffering really hurts my heart... i cant type anymore i'm tired... i juz hope everyone can take me as an example, and treat the ones u love, alot more better than it is now... whether its ur mother, father, brothers, or friends.. juz cherish the moments u haf wif them now, and dun regret about things u could haf done for them when u had the chance to.. dun follow my footsteps... and life's very unpredictable.. anything could happen out of the blue, who knows mayb i wun wake up to see tml? its all cruel... very cruel....